We negotiate every day, though we may not think of it as negotiating. We bargain with co-workers and bosses about work projects. We negotiate with employees to address behavioral problems. We negotiate child care at the local day care center. And we sort out home responsibilities, meal preparation and child rearing with our spouses and partners.
Negotiation, conflict and gender research suggests that the way women approach such situations tends to differ from the way men do. And while generalizations from research don't always reflect the way each person acts in a given situation, here are five common negotiation traps for women and how to prevent yourself from getting caught in them.
Trap 1: Failing to See the Opportunity to Negotiate
Women tend not to recognize the opportunities that present themselves in many workplace, home and business negotiation situations. For instance, if a supervisor asks if there's room in your week for a new assignment that's needed ASAP, women often assume the supervisor is looking for a "yes" or "no" and an explanation in support of that response. Men, on the other hand, tend to see such offers as opening proposals in a negotiation into which they're being invited. Whereas a woman might reply, "Gee, I'd really like to take that one on. It'll mean a busy week, but I know it's needed," a man might be likely to reply, "Gee, that sounds like an interesting project. Let's take a few minutes to discuss what other responsibilities I can set aside temporarily so I can run with the priority project." In her response, the woman misses an opportunity to negotiate and she may also feel under-valued when the supervisor doesn't pick up her indirect comment about workload. One good strategy is to simply start asking. Assume everything's negotiable and choose which ones are worth your time. You may be startled by how many opportunities there are to work out a better day for yourself.
Trap 2: Settling Too Soon for Less
Studies have shown that Women tend to set lower goals for themselves than men do in comparable negotiations. In salary negotiations, for instance, women tend to set lower salary goals than men. And to top it off, when the other person in a negotiation says "no," women tend to back down instead of taking the negative simply as another move in the ongoing bargaining. To address these tendencies, practice setting higher goals in lower-stakes situations so that you can grow more comfortable with asking for more. It's also helpful to learn about basic negotiation strategy and there are many good books on the subject, some written specifically with women in mind.
Trap 3: Pretending You're Someone You're Not
When you see the word "negotiator," what comes to mind? A tough-talking wheeler-dealer, a trickster, an antagonistic competitor? There are as many negotiating styles as there are people and the key is to find your own authentic voice. When you try to act the way you think people are "supposed" to act in negotiations or other difficult conversations, you not only risk leaving your own best skills behind but also that the other person views you as fake or worse, as playing games with them. Find your own negotiating style and voice and hone it over time. Women often tell me that they don't want to be perceived as too aggressive. That seems reasonable as long as you remember: Being nice and being direct are not mutually exclusive.
Trap 4: Allowing Your Strength to Be Your Weakness
Women tend to be good at maintaining relationships and putting those relationships front and center, because we've often been raised to value connections with others. This is a terrific negotiation strength because good relationships help the negotiation conversation stay constructive and keep everyone working when it gets tough. But it's also our Achilles heel. Failing to negotiate effectively out of fear of damaging the relationship can cause women to back down or avoid confronting the important problems in their work and home lives. Ironically, avoiding conflict often causes more damage to the relationship because the problems never get fully addressed and continue to fester. Ask yourself if failing to confront a problem fully is really going to improve your relationship or just distance you a bit more from those you care about most, at home and work. That distance builds up over time---conflict management professionals call it a "distancing spiral."
Trap 5: Going in Without Clarity
Handling difficult conversations well goes hand in hand with good preparation. Figure out your key goals and interests, your "walk away alternative,"and the range of options for consideration. Similarly, estimate the other person's key interests and ways your own and theirs might be met in the negotiation. Do your homework and walk in with an informed and flexible plan. But remember: The plan you walk in with is just that---a plan or guide to keep you focused and help you get started. It should never be used as a way to make demands or lock you in rigid positions.
ไม่มีความคิดเห็น:
แสดงความคิดเห็น